i noticed.
i'm playing it cool
'cause i don't wanna
get too used to this
never again
the last time scarred me
i don't think i'll ever
truly, fully recover

doesn't mean i don't
miss you or care about you
i do, i'll probably always will
but you know what happens
when you get broken?
you try to piece together
what was shattered but
whatever you do
you will never ever be the same
a part of you will always be
lost, forgotten, never to be
taken back
when you get burned
you try your damnest
to stay away from fire
cover yourself in ice
when the door has been locked,
slammed in front of you
you will not knock again
for fear of another
stinging rejection

i'm glad you still
think about me at times
my thoughts are never
too far away from you
though i've tried to shake
away every memory
i did try, and some days
i do succeed

and no i'm not trying
to be your one regret
that will be an excercise
in futility, i bet
it's okay that i'm not
don't start with me
dont start, period.

and i know that you love me
you have said it,
i have felt it,
but like you told me
sometimes, it just
is not enough
it's sad, i know,
but what can we do?

everything's the same
yet you and i are different
will we ever get past that?
i'm not really sure,
are you?

i wish i wrote these lines. . .
well anyway, thank you maria mena

What could you possibly see in me?
Is it my soul hung out to dry?
I think my dysfunctional family has shaped it throughout my life.

What could you possibly like in me?
Do you like my ability to bend?
I think my fear of intimacy has shaped the time we spend.

No it's not you, it's me
and it's not us, it's them
and it's not her, it's just the way she moves you
and she kisses harder than me, oh she kisses harder than me.

And I've always looked in through your glasses,
but all I could see, is the spectre of me reflected
the empty shell of me, the empty shell of me.

What could you possibly love in me?
Is it the way I wear my smile?
It hangs from the tip of my tongue you see, oh this might take awhile.

No it's not you, it's me
and it's not us, it's them
sure it's not her, it's just the way she moves you
and she kisses harder than me, oh she kisses harder than me.

And I've tried to look in through your glases,
but all I could see, was the spector of me reflected, the empty shell of me, the empty shell of me.

it would've been easier
you would never have
to shed a single tear,
nor live in constant fear,
we would never have
to bend till we break
or try till we ache
when i say i'm fine
i would've meant
every littlest word
yeah you won't even
be too listless, not too bored
no more lies
no lingering goodbyes
your smile might even reach your eyes
i won't have to pretend that i am cool
we no longer would be fools
i could breathe easy
knowing you would always
stay here with me. . .

if love were enough. . .

sorry, I will never be enough. . .

i know exactly when
you enter the room,
my skin crawls, in awareness
my eyes track your every move
your scent wafts, sails through the air
and finds me, encloses me
like a hound sensing its prey
it excites me, makes my blood
rush, i will it to slow down, you
might hear my heart beating
too loudly, it might cause you to run

and i don't want you to flee,
i know you spook too easy,
i can't allow you to be
too afraid of me
so i'll feign control, i'll fake indifference
and if by chance your gaze
meets mine i'll swiftly look away,
engage you in a quick game
of hide and go seek
when you are unaware, i'll go ahead and take a peek
but as soon as you try and catch
me as i stare longingly
i'll take cover, behind a wall of
pretend disinterest
i'll be convincing,
i swear you won't suspect a thing

i won't let it show,
no, you can never, ever, forever know