i have been busy
pushing all thoughts of you
away, far, far away
filling my head
with random details
that may occupy the places
where you have always been,
trying to replace
every memory i have kept
carefully tended, artfully hidden
so that one day
someone else can come
and fill, or rather, try to fill,
(as no one can really
be who you were to me)
the gaping hole you have left

for a bit i kinda gotten used
to it, have embraced it as
part of my soul, the emptiness
the void, i have carried it,
been resigned to the fact
that it will always be there
(at least you will always have
that part of me as a souvenir
of sorts)
it will always have the
sole power to haunt me,
keep me up at night,
keep me company (i have grown
attached to it, actually)

but now i think
it has finally ran it's course
and though i still have
doubts that i am capable
of totally erasing you
and all that you represent,
i have to try

step one. . .

i. . .
can't help it
i'm drawn to you
like the tides are helpless
against the pull of
the glorious moon

i . . .
am defenseless
as an innocent child
unthinkingly succumbing
to your unconscious charm,
your flippant smile

i. . .
against all odds
hold on to you
so afraid you might
slip right through my
clumsy little fingers

and fall, ever so gently
or drift, ever so casually
towards another's lap
where i can never get you back
however hard i try,
however desperate i become

you are the dream
i have so longingly chased,
the one wish,
i would've given anything
to finally have. . .

i. . .