each time you say 

that you regret leaving

when you did

you stick a knife right through my heart

each tear you cry

are droplets of my blood

gushing out of my veins

crippling me

you mourn what you lost

so much that i wonder

if you gained anything at all when you

chose me. . .

did you really choose me or was i the only option you had?

you tell me over and over

that you love me,and i believe you

each and every time,

i just wonder if you would ever

love me as much as you loved, 

scratch that,

still love her?

i knew i would never be able to compete with her,

i never intended to. . .

i shouldn't have to. . .

she's in the past. . .

yes, colorful, loving,wonderful 

and all the damned superlatives

but then again,

she's in the past. . .

i am your now.

i would love to

be your future too

but your feet are still

stuck in what was

you say you regret

all that you used to have

will you feel the same pang

for what you might lose again?

it's been a while. . .

too long actually 

did i lose my touch? 

i don't know, maybe?

i wrote of tragedies,

i used my pen

to describe longing, pain

how i bled. . .

how i was filled

with bitter tears

how my heart ached,

of loneliness, endless, unforgiving, unrelenting fear

i rarely spoke

of happiness, hopefulness

i was a stranger to them

it felt awkward to even say them

yes i've been silent. . .

this used to be

my only sanctuary

my only friend, the only thing

that never turned me away

and then there was you. . .

i didn't need to seek

solace, fortitude, a warm embrace

didn't need to write i could speak

no more worries

no tragedies, pain is taken

away as soon as i feel them

no more fear

no need to bleed, nor shed any tear

i was home. . . you were home

but lately i feel

the urge to visit you again i fear,

in a little while it might

be just you and me again my dear. . .