"love means never having to say you're sorry. . ."



This is the most famous line in the novel "Love Story" by Erich Segal. Spoken by the main character Jenny after her husband Oliver found her outside on their porch steps shivering from being in the cold for a few hours atleast. They had an argument, you see, and Jenny stormed out. Oliver went after her and searched everywhere to find her. He did, right in front of their home, and when he tried to apologize she said, "love means never having to say you're sorry".

Did she mean that when two people are in love they shouldn't have to apologize or make amends? That one would have to accept every heartache, every pain inflicted and not wait for even a word or a gesture of apology ? That because you are in love you let every mistake just slide and be shoved under the rug? No mention of sorry's and I forgive you's?

Could we really live like that? Free to say whatever we want, do whatever we want whenever we please without worrying if we offended or hurt the person we love?

I disagree, strongly I might add.

Although, according to some people, sorry might be the most worthless word in the english dictionary, I still believe that this five letter word is as powerful as the four letter word we so revere, love.

It is after the fact, I know. You've already hurt someone, you've already messed up, there is nothing left to do that would change what you already did, so what does apologizing do, really?

It makes the pain a little bearable. Knowing that it wasn't intentional, that it was never planned eases the ache just a little bit. In the grand scheme of things it may not really change what happened but in that instant at least the person you wronged would be able to see how much you were hurting too. That if there was a way to change everything you would've done just about anything. It's not enough, sure, but at least you are trying as much as you could.

So what did Jenny mean then?

I think what she meant was that love means never ever regretting anything you did because of it. Never regret the sacrifices you had to make. Never regret the pain you had to endure since it led you to the happiness that love brings. Never regret the struggles for it made you stronger. Never regret the tears, it made you appreciate laughter. Anything you do that was driven by pure love should be celebrated not regretted.

And if it ultimately ends for you, if it failed to work out, regret only that it ended and not that it even started. Not all love stories are written in stars, some end in disaster but when you were in love in the beginning, in the middle and right before its demise you were happy. It might not have ended as you planned but atleast now you are more equipped to face love again.

Regret is a strong word. For me it means that you want to forget what happened. Erase it from your memory, like what the couple in the movie "Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" tried to do. Cover the pain, forget the sadness, not relieve the bad things. In doing so you are ultimately ruining your experience. You cannot remember happiness if you've never had loneliness, Joy would not be as sweet if not for pain and triumph would not be well celebrated if not for the heartaches.

So when you love, when you truly love, savor each moment, the good and yes, the bad, for without either one the experience is not complete. Never ever be sorry for what you've done, what you are doing and what you will be doing for the person you love. . . that's what really matters in the end, that you gave it your all and you lived without a single regret.