i am in love
with the idea of you
i love the illusion
i created of you
i crave what
you represent
unattainable, untouched
focused, determined
unswayable, impenetrable
i could bleed in front of you
and you won't even flinch
i could write
a million lines
and dedicate each word to you
and you won't be moved
i won't stir you,
i can't rattle you
i can look at you
and stare you down
for as long as i can
and you won't bow down to me
won't even nod your head
to acknowledge me
you are as proud
as i am too meek
in your over powering presence

to you i am not a knight,
you are not in distress. . .

i love that i don't influence you
i love that you are the
exact opposite of me
i am inlove with the thought
that although i am complete
you balance me,

i am whole without you,
but with you i can take
on the world,
it better be ready when i do

you sometimes make
me so mad that i
want to just wring your neck,
or slap you senseless
smother you with
a pillow perhaps
maybe shake you till
you cry uncle
beat you till
you surrender
shout at you,
make you cry
do anything
to make you as
mad as you are making me

you make me
grit my teeth
pull at my hair
in frustration
see red,
feel worn out

and when i'm almost over the edge. . .

you smile. . .
as if enjoying
my display of struggle
you naughty little minx
i'll get you for this,
you better believe i will. . .

i hate you. . .

i hate your eyes
they pierce me
i hate your lips
they tempt me
i hate your words
they make me believe
feed me with
thoughts that
should never cross my mind
i hate your skin
it makes me wanna
crawl and stay underneath it
i hate your smile
it makes me think
of sunshine
i hate your scent
it makes me shiver
it makes me long
for warm summer nights
heated, passionate
your fingers caress me
as if i am yours

i hate that you are not mine

but what i hate most
is that i don't,
i can't. . .
hate you

a tiny film
silvery, a contrast
to the pitch black,
gloomy, still, night
i watch you float
like a ghost
haunting, hovering
just a step above me
the gentle wind
carries you away
until you are out of reach
i am so tempted
to touch, just a snippet
but if i do
it will just hasten
your impending getaway
so i just watch
as you gloriously dance
are you bidding
goodbye to me?
i hope not
my eyelids flutter
they shut for a moment
and when i opened
them again
you are lost. . .

i take another drag
trying to recapture
you and your frailty
but wait, were you
ever hooked?
did i, for a little while,
ever captivate you,
intrigue you,
catch your fancy?

i fill my lungs,
take in as much as i can
but i am only able to
hold my breath for so long
then i have to let
you quickly escape,
feel every bit of you
rushing out of me
allowing me to
welcome fresher air
will it cleanse me?
i doubt it,
i'm addicted, to you
and your elusiveness

it's getting colder now
the chilly mist
seeping through my bones
i long for you to
surround me once more,
i crave your warmth
but i am alone now
i don't think you are
coming back, no matter
how many cigarettes
i try to light up

suddenly i feel so tired. . .

i tried my hand
at playing with fire
and all i got
was smoke in my eyes

you walk right
in front of me
nonchalantly, obliviously
not a care in the world
totally unconscious
of what you do to me
each step you take
feels like a ritual
a dance, a seduction
aimed at me
you flip your hair
and i struggle
to hold myself back
your lips curl,
an innocent smile
but i could swear
i felt a jab,
pure physical pain

and i know you never
meant to torture me
your intentions are not
to unnerve me
it's just every
single thing you do
cries out to me
tempts me, rouses me
each sound you make
tantalizes my senses
send them to overdrive

i wish i could bottle you up
and consume you in small doses
you are lethal,
you will probably be
the death of me. . .

but then again,
i'd probably die smiling
isn't that sweet?
(hahahahaha)

subtle. . .
like a whisper,
a ghost of a smile,
a feathery kiss
on my still wet cheek
a light tap
on my overly stiff shoulder
a half wave
tiny, careful, steps
an absent-minded glance
then like a wisp
of light, airy, smoke
you are gone

i wasn't even
able to raise
an arm in protest
or eke out a
yelp, a cry, a shout
to try and stop
your parting
i was left there
standing in your wake
not even a hint
not even a slight warning

and i know you tried
to stay as long
as you possibly can,
i know you tried
to leave as
quietly, silently

and yeah,
you almost succeeded,
everything is still
the only sound
is the slow
breaking of my
tired, tired, heart

i look at you
behind misty glasses,
i watch the dewy drops
hurry down, bumping each
other in the process
like fat teardrops
dripping, fast, faster
then slows down as
they reach the bottom
knowing there's nothing there
to catch each lonely drop
from my angle, you look
a bit tinier than you
really are, less intimidating,
less threathening, almost normal
like i could reach out my hand
and you'll take it
like i could touch you
and not get burned
as if i could tell you anything
and the words won't get
thrown back at me,
you look relaxed, laid back
i should say something now. . .

i lift my glass
a small salute to you
and your perfection,
the amber fluid, frosty,
cools me, dampening my parched lips,
pouring on my dry throat
exciting, refreshing
i should say something now. . .

i smiled at you
my speech prepared
but you were looking the other way,
ahhh, here he comes,
i would have given anything
to see your eyes light up
as it did when he walked in,

and there i remained seated,
watching you move towards him,
as i wipe away
the liquor's bitterness
from my mouth

probably her eyes,
i've never seen it, not shining
even when she's tired,
or pissed, or not sober,
always animated,
i am afraid to look deeper
i could get lost in them
and never find my way back
or maybe it is her quiet strength
she looks so fragile, so breakable
like anyone could sway her,
ask her to do their bidding
and she will follow,
but she's not frail, far from it
she has a mind of her own
her determination is astounding
she knows what she wants
and she goes for it, i envy that
she fascinates me,
in a way no else has
intriguing, captivating
i am the queen of glib
but she still manages
to have me at a loss for words,
not an easy task
she speaks and everyone
takes notice,
ah, when she smiles
the world sits and gazes in awe

i sometimes watch her
when she's not looking
desperate to unlock
the mysteries she has
bubbling just under the surface
but i'm not allowed to
so i just look on

what makes her so special?
hmmmmm, what the hell doesn't?