shall i treat you
like an old friend,
whom i have lain in
constant wait for?
one whom i have wished
to come my way once more
one who kept my eyes
firmly glued to the door?

hoping it will open
one of these very
unassuming days
it will slowly, timidly
give me a tiny crack
and let you in

a familiar face,
one that i will
instantly recognize
for a bit there i thought
i'd forgotten what you
look like, feel like
please remind me again
of the warmth i had
gotten accustomed to before,
what i felt i lost
in the shuffle

in the mundane
and commonplace,
will you please let me
feel extraordinary again
wrap me up
in your mystery
and take me to the heights
my soul seem to fall short on
let me soar,
and if in some way
i have forgotten how to float
remind me again how
it feels to be weightless
worryless,

oh love,
i have indeed missed you
take my breath away again
allow me to not think again
let me hear you whisper
my name again
a haunting sound
escaping your exquisite lips
let me hold you in my arms again

and if by some luck
i hear you faintly knock
it won't be in vain dear,
i won't succumb to my fear,
i won't fail to hear

are you confused?
which way to go,
what you should do?
torn apart?
i'm pulling you this way
while they are desperately
trying to make you stay
am i messing with your mind again?
making you want
forcing you to need
am i enjoying
the uncertainty in your eyes?
when you squirm
do i laugh?
am i mocking you
while you struggle?

i do not

like i said
i am not your complication
you are mine
my aim is not
to unsettle you,
not to unnerve you,
not to go back,
move forward perhaps. . .

but i could tell . . .
the unknown scares you
losing control makes you
run as far as your
feet could carry you,
you'd rather lay there
where you can predict
when everything ends,
no quick movements
no surprises
everything is staged,

yeah dear,
i have the nerve
to call you a coward,

your move?

i watch you ride
the soft breeze,
allowing it to let you
float away in momentary
oblivion, in fleeting bliss
a slight smile on your lips
gloriously reveling
in the freedom the wind
brings as it takes you
up, then down again
below, then lets you rise again

as if in trance
i look on as you dance
uninhibited, not a care
you are enjoying the attention,
i could almost swear
go on, frolic
in the warm glow
let the gale carry you
just let it all flow. . .

pretty little butterfly,
with your delicate wing
i see you flutter
from flower to flower
choosing the finest, the sweetest
then you take your pick
and settle on the soft petals
seemingly contented. . .

how long will you stay
perched this time?

and, as if, you heard me
all of a sudden you stop
resting on that lovely branch
you prepare to take flight,
in one fluid motion
you are afloat again,
one with the breeze again,
will you ever come my way once more?

you might. . .
but then again, you just might not

so i'll just watch you
soar and fall with
the wind on your back
and when you are too far away
for me to catch a glimpse
i'll slowly walk the other way
i'll bid farewell. . .

i never knew solitude
could taste so sweet
that being only
with myself and no one else
could be as fulfilling
and being alone does
not automatically equate
to being terribly lonely

i've just done battle
with enormous demons
been taunted, haunted
baited, prodded,
fought with everything i had,
everything i knew,
bled till i could bleed no more,
argued till i was hoarse,
stood my ground while
beeing pushed, shoved aside

now i just feel too spent

and so i rest my head
in a while my heart would follow
its beating would eventually slow
until it is almost inaudible. . .

i probably won't stay here forever
i could never sit still for very long
but for now the quiet soothes me,
i'll just let her drown me in her comforting song

my tears have dried out

the path they have flowed

very gently on is no

longer noticeable

not a trace of the bitter

drops that have been

my constant companion,

i have bid farewell

to the dull ache

that had always been

present when my mind

strays to you

the need that i had

to be always with you,

the wanting, the longing,

the craving, the mind numbing

urge to be as close

to you, as one with you

i seem to have lost

i would like to think

that i am cured of you,

that i have had

my fill of you,

that i am done

struggling to get to you

and i have finally given up

on the thought that someday. . .

i may have,

gone full circle,

i might be,

stronger than i was before,

i'm sure that i could

now look you in the eye

and say it's over,

that i'm over

the heartbreak, the disappointment,

the anger, the confusion

i could. . .

i should. . .

maybe one of these days i would. . .

clock is ticking
slowly inching
is she running out of it?
red, screaming
a patchwork splashed
across a once spotless wall
i close my eyes
and my nose is burning
fresh scent of charcoal
and the lingering smell
of burning sulfur
did she catch a whiff of that
just before she
was swallowed by darkness?

the table where she
always worked,
looks untouched, neat,
like she always kept it
no clutter, nothing out of place
save for a starched note
blotched where her tears
probably had fallen
all it said was "sorry"
she could have written
a gazillion words
and i still would have never
understood why
never will understand how

she was always the strong one

now i watch her bleeding
broken, the life in her fleeing
she is so cold
just like the barrell on her temple
so still. . .

can we wake up now?