"i'm thinking of going back to being straight. . ."

i was talking to a friend of mine the other day and this was her opening statement. i sat there, right in front of her dumbfounded. she had to almost shake me so i would speak again. when i finally did, there were only five words i could utter, "will that make you happier?" it was her turn to shut up for a few minutes. afterward, she only smiled, a small smile, as if in deep thought.

really now, will switching sides make your life better?

will attempting to become "normal" make you any happier?

is it even possible to "switch sides", change preferences, be "straight" when you know you really are not?

which two sides am i talking about? not the right or the wrong side, although, more often than not people tag it as that. neither are they the dark or the light side, although, again, most people equate them with that. it's not the good and the bad side, i have heard them labeled as such but i refuse to believe in that.

so which sides am i talking about?

the straight (and narrow, hehehe) and the homosexual (lesbian, gay, faggot, butch, dyke and whatever slanderous and oftentimes harsh words they use to label such people). these are the two opposite poles that i am describing.

so, is it possible to be born on one side, later on figure out that you are supposed to be on the other side and then one very, unassuming day realize that you want to go back to your old side? we could debate on and on but here is my two cents' worth, it is possible to want to switch, in fact you can think about it as often as the thought pops up, but thinking about it, and being able to really do it, those are two very different things.

a lot of people would argue that it is a choice. one you can make whenever you are ready. like a plan that you can stick to. something you can discipline yourself into accepting, living with, growing old with.

i think not. . .

yes, i believe in choices, i believe in controlling your future, altering your outcome. but there are things that even the strongest person will never be able to hold in the palm of his/her hand and manipulate, much more, understand. why you love someone, that's pretty hard to explain, but what's even harder is how to define who you love.

more importantly, who defines it?

happiness is a choice.

will you choose to be normal, or would you choose to stand out? would you opt to live a quiet life, or would you rather have a life that is complicated, a bit loud, at times topsy turvy but always, always filled with excitement? would you want to conform, or would you prefer to defy? will you let society run you, dictate who you are, who you want, who wants you, or would you rather take your life by the horns and run with it?

yeah, happiness is a choice, but it is not a question of who you choose. you cannot choose your side, you are born to it. you are either one thing or the other. of course you are open to confusion, but in the end, you will always be able to recognize which team you truly belong with. where you are most comfortable with, where you can be yourself with.

ultimately, these are your options. would you choose to be happy, live your life as you want it, be who you are supposed to be. or would you rather choose to pretend to be happy, watch while your life passes by, be who others think you should be?

tough, i know, but is anything ever simple?