you used to

remind me to

never hold your

hand in public,

never kiss, hug,

stand too close

i couldn't help

but wonder if

you just didn't

want to be seen

next to me,

you were always

ever so cautious. . .

i forget from

time to time,

i grab your arm

let my hand slide down

till i am grasping yours

hoping you would not

notice anymore,

i steal kisses, in

dark corridors,

i hold on to you

a tiny bit longer

than i should

i tuck your hair,

touch your face

as often as i could

i figured you'd

get used to it

pretty soon (another tactic eh? hehehe)

sometimes you fail

to notice

that i'm doing

what you specifically told

me not to

but most of the

time you still

manage to remember

i just grow

quiet when you do that. . .

i never saw you

smile wider than

you did tonight

you ran, no, flew

in to my arms

and held me tightly,

in front of everyone else

please never tire

of loving me back,

i'm worth it,

you'll see

=)

like i said before, i envy her.
i will always do.
all that i missed, all i'm still missing.
she will always be there, i know that for a fact.
i have prepared for that, i have conditioned myself
for the fight that was ahead, i just hoped it would not be a never ending one.

well it just might be. . .

i hate battles.
strong as i may seem, inside i'm really weak.
i cringe at the drop of a hat.
you even likened me to a baby,
all soft and sensitive, maybe i am.

i can't compete with a memory.
i have been trying for the past 4 months,
sadly, it had been futile
i pick myself up, breathe deeply, suck it in
as hard as it may be, losing you is not an option.
i soldier on.
i look at you and nothing else matters. . .

you try all you can too
i see how much effort you put into it
you hold it all in
and try not to let me know
how she still haunts you
but i can tell
the slightest movement, the deep sighs,
the far away looks
the shift in moods. . .

you say she's everywhere.
well if she is, then where am i?
she was your everything,
i only want to be a little piece of you
a tiny bit, is it too much to ask?

i am not belittling all you've done,
i am belittling what i have
after all's said and done
i'm still here
waiting in the wings
wondering when my time will finally be up

she ends where i start,
she hasn't ended, how will i start?
when can i start?

like you, i am hoping it will be soon too.
soon.

it's all too new

for you and for me

i know i would

sometimes fumble

my mistakes would

hurt you, unintentionally, of course

and sometimes normal

words might turn harsh

i'll try and shrug

them all off

as long as i can

as long as i need to

in a perfect world

a kiss, a hug

a tiny act of

kindness, disregarded pride,

the proverbial

looking the other way,

would magically wash

away all the pain

melt all of the sadness

cure every ache. . .

but i am flawed,

you are not a saint

we are but two

broken individuals

grasping at each other

to complete our missing parts,

i was always certain

that i hold what

you always sought

i still might,

but then again

i might not. . .

and you would've just

squandered both time

and energy holding on to me. . .

i sincerely hope

that it won't be the case

when i lay in silence

i wish as hard

as i possibly can

that i could, in

some way be all

that you truly need

i am an expert

at falling short,

for once i would

like to think i

can be enough

maybe this time i would. . .