. . . and all the tears i cry

no matter how i try

will never bring you home to me

will you wait for me

in heaven. . .

i keep expecting you

to come out of

your room and

shout orders with 

your booming voice. . .

you are our king

and our house is your castle

you watch over us

and guide us all. . .

you will still be doing that

albeit from a different podium,

a different palace. . .

everytime i come home

you are the first

person i look for,

i ask for you first thing

and i smile whenever i

find out that you

are just upstairs

lying on your bed

watching tv, basketball, our favorite. . .

you'll still be upstairs

but now it's somewhere 

i'll never be able to see you. . .

i lie beside you

hug your tummy

you hug me back

kiss the top of my head

and we just stay there

exchanging insults

bantering to our

heart's content and

we laugh. . .

i tried to hug you the

last time i saw you

but i never got a hug back. . .

last time we talked

i was explaining 

the trilogy "lord of the rings" to you

you can never

get the characters straight

but i still sat there

patiently telling you

the whole story

i wear your ring now

it was included in the

pile of all your belonging 

you left behind. . .

i will never understand

why you left us

even if everyone

would sit beside me

and patiently discuss to me

the merits, the cycle, the inevitable

it would still be 

unfathomable to me

how one very

unassuming night

you wandered out

and never looked back. . .

you used to

always come back

no matter how drunk

no matter how late

we would hear your car

we would hear you knock. . .

i'm still waiting. . .

i'll always, forever be waiting. . .