i only
feel the coldness. . .
what i always found refreshing
now only chills
me to the bone
the wind that
used to lull
me to sleep
are now howls
that haunt me
keep me up all night
scare me. . .

the tempest that
i used to love watching
as it displays
its majesty, power
an air of
unrestrained freedom
i now view as
reckless, untamed
it only causes havoc
it destroys everything
on its path

the tiny droplets
trickling, ever so swiftly,
i used to catch
them in my hand
now it runs
on my face
devoid of any emotion
i do not even know
where my tears
meet the mist
i only taste
their bitterness
each little bead

pricks me

anywhere they fall

i thought i should

be numb by now

what used to soothe me,

what i used to welcome

i now almost hate

i run for cover

but i'm already drenched

i'd rather be
flown inches from
the scorching sun, burned

than see the rain
as it laughs at me,
as if mocking my agony. . .

there's still
too much we
have to sort through,
too many questions
we've yet to answer
so much that
we have
to think about
but for a brief moment
you were all mine. . .

my eyes were
the ones you
wanted to get
lost into
my fingers were
the ones laced with yours
your head was
cradled on my shoulder
the time you had
was meant for me
just for me

it was all new
and yet it
felt all too familiar. . .

the same scene
where we left off
a couple of years ago
the same one we had
no other choice but
to flee from
run as fast as we can
before either or
both of us break
too much, too hard

same players,
same roles. . .

have we changed
enough to finally
make it this time?
did i learn to
be more patient?
did you learn
how to trust blindly?
do we have enough love?
enough faith?
can we summon enough courage?

i hope we do. . .

for both our sakes, i hope we do

hey,

you have asked this before
i have answered it
but you seem to have forgotten
let me refresh your memory (short term memory loss, your excuse to everything, hahaha)

why you?

i'm not really sure.

maybe it's because you get me.
without me having to explain what i mean.
i can be myself with you.
my silly, obsessive, sometimes pathetic self.
i can tell you everything.
my hopes, my dreams (yeah i should lay off on some of them, i know), my frustrations.
and you can tell me everything too.
we bicker, quite a lot.
you question everything i say.
you fight with me on every little thing.
but at the end of the day, you get me to admit where i got it wrong.
and i get you to acknowledge that sometimes you don't have it all right.
on really tough ones, we agree to disagree.
your aim is not to see it your way
and you simply cannot be swayed
we have a stand on everything
and they are not always the same
we are not each other's yes man, and that is refreshing.

or maybe it's because
of your eyes, dark brown (it's common, you would argue, i know, i'd be more surprised if you don't) they have seen the world at an odd view.
they light up when you laugh, they turn deadly when you're mad.
i've seen them glistening with unshed tears.
they have a way of seeing right through me.

maybe it's your lips.
the way they tilt when you smile.
you have this habit of biting down on them when you're uncomfortable, or when you're thinking (they distract me, but what the heck)

it could be because you are a little deaf sometimes, i have to repeat what i say hmmmm, a couple of times maybe (but this is very rare, like every 5 minutes or so, hahahaha). or maybe because you get annoyed too easy. or maybe because you fall asleep anytime, anywhere (i know, really, really tired, it's ok).

because you are you. you curse too much but you apologize right after. you get hurt deeply, but you can't help but forgive too easily. you get irritated, you get mad but you calm down in a matter of minutes. you are a masochist, a sadist, a crazy little girl, my crazy little girl. you are a walking, breathing contradiction.

because i can talk to you all day and still miss you, even before i put the phone down.

i never can win any argument with you but that's okay, i don't feel as if i lost anyway.

you make me feel scared and brave, foolish and wise, strong and weak all at the same time.

you make me fall in love with you over and over again.

why you?

funny, i do not think i got to decide on that (fate, okay? universe, yeah, him again). . .

and even if i did, i would be stupid to not choose you.

hey,

i'm sorry.
i did not mean to make it
harder than it already is
i did not ask for it to
be so complicated
although, yeah, we both cannot deny
that we love challenges
it keeps us on our toes
makes us think better
but i do not think either of us
wanted it to be this crazy
neither of us signed up for pain
but it seems to come
to us in buckets
hang in there will you?

no i do not have any beef
with universe,
he (or she, maybe even it but
for this purpose we'll pretend
he's a he) threw us together
he might've torn us apart
but he also found a way
to bring us back
the rest would have
to come from us
it might seem hopeless
most of the time
but we always have a choice
do we look for a way
to make it work,
or do we just go our
seperate ways?
the latter seems easier
especially on days like today
but i won't back down
no i won't if you don't. . .

don't worry toughie
i'm all yours,
i've always been yours

let's stick together, shall we?

"Wild Horses"

I feel these 4 walls closing in
My face up against the glass
I'm looking out... hmm
Is this my life I'm wondering
It happened so fast
How do I turn this thing around
Is this the bed I chose to make
Its greener pastures I'm thinking about hmm
Wide open spaces far away

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but, not feel scared

Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing to
Run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses
Oh yeah yea

I see the girl I wanna be
Riding bare back, care free along the shore
If only that someone was me
Jumping head first headlong without a thought
To act and damn the consequence
How I wish it could be that easy
But fear surrounds me like a fence
I wanna break free

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but, not feel scared
Hoohhh woah woah

Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses
Oh yeah yea

I wanna run too.
Hohhh woah oh woah oh

Breaklessly abandoning my self before you

I wanna open up my heart tell her how I feel

Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses
Hooaah woah oh woah
Yeah

I wanna run with the wild horses

have a little faith in me. . .

i know.
whatever it is that we have and don't have, just gets too complicated sometimes.
it's not easy, you never said it would be, i always knew it would be tough.
the timing, again, is not that ideal.
you have your reasons.
i try to justify the doubts that you have (you never seem to run out of them) .
you are too cynical.
i am all hopeful.
i believe in fate.
you think that is just crap.
you have a contingency plan, a back-up plan and a back-up, back-up plan.
i live in the now.
i trust too easy.
i don't even know if you trust me,
and everything i tell you.

i feel too much.
you claim you're numb.
you've had way too much shit thrown at you.
i have lived a semi-charmed life.
i break, but i heal quickly.
you can't seem to let go of your pain.
you hold on to it for dear life.
i cry ouch when i get burned.
you keep your emotions tightly reined.
i sometimes have my head in the clouds
your feet are firmly planted on the ground.

are we too opposite?
can't we come up with a compromise?
is it impossible to meet me halfway?

"we'll have a dog named universe"

you're starting to dream. . .

there's hope for us yet. . .

you, looking over
my shoulder
as i write
lazy sunday
mornings spent
half of the time
lounging in bed
catching on sleep
watching a basketball game
while you are next
to me listening
to songs with your earphones
the game bores you
but you won't
let me watch alone

i'm reading
you are surfing
or texting
or doing whatever
sitting across from me
i look up and
see you staring back
we smile
our smile
then we go back
to doing what we
have been doing

i go home
from work
nothing special
just take outs
you put in
a video and
turn the tv on
we just sit on
the couch eating
and watching
it's one we have
seen countless times
but we still
laugh at the
right parts

i lay with you
the lights are off
it's not quiet though
we talk, non stop
about what my day was,
and how your day went
we banter, but we
stop for a few
minutes every so
often to let you
calm down, you
never learned to
just go along with my
teasing, so i have
to stop every now
and then and let
you cool it to
avoid being strangled (hahahaha)
when we get tired
we just close our eyes
and hold each other

my idea of perfect days. . .

soon, someday soon. . .