if i could have
someone i could call mine
i wish it would be you
then everything will be fine
if i could hold
anyone's hand in mine
i hope it would be yours
then everything will be fine
if i could share a kiss
i'm praying it'll be
your lips
and lock someone in a sweet embrace
it would be you and your grace
if i should wake in the light of day
wouldn't it be lovely
if i could see your face
open up my eyes
and breathe your air before i rise

it would be perfect
you would be perfect

i'm done with subtlety
i'm through with pretext
if i could have one wish
it is to be with you like this

i love mind games
i love that i don't know
what's going on in your head
and you are guessing
what i must be thinking
when every move i make
creates confusion
and every word you say
are just illusions
when both of us are wondering
what every gesture means
am i laughing
because i am pleased,
or are my smiles
dripping in sarcasm?
is that a frown i see
or are you plotting
your next assault?
was that a sigh of contentment,
or was that a sound
of disappointment?
am i getting to your nerves,
are you as affected,
or is it just me?

have i forged ahead,
or am i still following your lead?
are you nearing surrender
or haven't i even
scratched the surface?
am i beginning to
see right through you
or are you still covered with layers
of doubt, mistrust, defenses?
are you starting to open up?
will you ever open up?

i'm still enjoying
the uncertainty,
the recklessnes,
the insanity
the elaborate schemes
the play on words
the battle of wits
will i lose yet again?
we'll see, love,
we'll see

i inch closer
you stand your ground
i move in a bit
you stay where you are
it's okay, i'll take it slow
there's no rush,love
we'll bid our time
i just need you
to be there
i just want you
to not float away
i'll be steady
don't you worry
one step at a time
there's no hurry
you can just wait
for me to reach you
i'll be there in a moment
i'll come and get you

when you least
expect it
i'll swoop down
fill your head with
my scent
crawl under your skin
bother you, leave you undone
send your senses into overdrive
till all you can see,
all you can feel,
all that you breathe
is me
all you'll hear is my voice
all you can utter is my name
i'll leave you drunken
yet wanting more
my taste will linger
on your lips
you'll be in such daze,
you'll never know what hit you

when you are ready, honey,
i'll come get you
for now i'll just let
you think you're still safe,
wear your guard down,
i'll be as patient as i can,
in a little while love,
in a little while

you know how much
i hate leaving
how much i detest
bidding farewell
how much i avoid
having to say goodbye
if i had one fear
that keeps me awake
all night
it is the thought
of walking away,
trying to forget,
accepting that i am
indeed forgotten

i said i would
try and move on
i promised i'd never
look back
i'll just trudge forward
make you a part
of my past
never allow myself
to indulge in your memory
it would be better that way
it would be easier, you say
and i tried,
oh how i tried

i apologize
that sometimes my thoughts
still stray to you
that on some days
i still find myself
waiting for you by my doorstep
that on occasion i stay very silent
trying to listen to your voice,
hoping that the wind
might in some way carry it to me
i am terribly sorry
that i sometimes close my eyes
and imagine your smile
i still go over the conversations
we had and remember how
i used to laugh
how i used to make you
mad on purpose
how i loved arguing,
then making up

everything's different now
and i swore i'll never go back
but some days i can't help but wish
i never let you go
that i'm still allowed
to hold on to you
that i never said goodbye. . .

little drops trapped
on the window pane
each one racing
like tears falling
successively, without
urging, as if they
have a mind of their own
they drip incoherently
the sound lulls me
lures me to sleep
pitter, patter, steadily
without any sign
of slowing down
or stopping anytime soon

the cold reaches me
seeps through my skin
embraces my bones
flows through my veins
turns my blood to ice
slows down my heartbeat
numbs me
my breath frozen
but i can't look away
it amazes me
how cold it could get

it flushes away
the dust, the pain, the debris
the grass gets greener
the ocean bluer
the earth feels reborn
it sweeps away
the past, the memories
everything is new again
no trace of yesterday

i love the rain
as it washes
the old away
like a new morn leaves
no room for the one
that has passed
it has always soothed me
as i eagerly wait
for the rainbow that
always follows, a sign
of fragile hope

the rain always
made me smile. . .

but not today

do not stand
too close to me
and think that
you can reach
out and touch me
do not breathe in
my suffocating air
do not look at me
as if i am different
do not think of me
as one of the good ones
do not make the
mistake of thinking
that i am here
to stay
i could leave
in a snap and
never look back

i could pretend
that i am so into you,
that you are special,
second to none
i could make you feel
loved, treasured, cherished
like i won't be able
to live if you left
like i would be shattered
at the thought of losing you
like i am capable
of bleeding, my heart breaking
my words will caress
you, feed you
i can create an illusion,
a world where you
are the center
make you believe
that everyting revolves
around you
then in an instant
wake you up and make you see
that really, you are just
one of so many

i am cruel
i am unfeeling
i could play you
i could confuse you
i am cold hearted
i am invincible
no one can touch me
nobody influences me
i can be alone
and i will be alright. . .

this is who i wish to be
then maybe, just maybe,
i won't suffer as much

what do you do
when people fail you?
when every single
promise has been broken
do you just lie
there drunken?
in a stupor, attempting
to rid your thoughts
of the stupidity
that had you believing,
trusting, every word
uttered, every line
written
when each door
you knock on remains
firmly closed
do you keep on rapping?
thinking someone on the
other side would someday
be eager to open one portal
a small crack
that might allow you
to breathe

who do you blame
when everything falls apart?
when nothing right comes
your way
do you point at your heart?
for being too weak,
too trusting
for feeling too much
for thinking too little
for giving a damn
for caring, for being too brittle
for bruising too easily
for wanting too eagerly
for failing to remember
that there is no such
thing as forever

i could only
blame me
i never listened
never looked at
the signs
never minded all
the warnings
i was too arrogant
or maybe just too

foolish, to think

that i could put my

faith into someone

too fickle, too undefined

it' s true what they say. . .

play with fire and yeah

you will get burned