let me feel
i don't care if i break down
let me fall
even if i hit the ground
and if i, cry a little, die a little. . .
at least i know i lived. . . just a little


These are a few lines from Bethany Joy Galeotti's song Let me Fall. For the longest time these has been a frequent shoutout of mine and also my IM status message. If you listen to the whole song it's pretty good, but everytime it gets to this part I always feel a distinct ache in my chest.

Just six little lines yet it sums up my lifetime plea

Let me feel. . .
No, I'm not numb, the opposite really. Pain, joy, sorrow, excitement and lately loneliness. Yep, a lot lonelier these days. I haven't felt excitement paricularly love recently. Not my choice . Just that I've been in the dumps more than usual. I'll get over this lonely phase. Soon enough I hope.

I dont care if I break down.
A little desperate, maybe. But really, to feel alive again, even if it meant breaking down afterward, I'd give anything for that.

Let me fall. . .
Not that I'm asking to fall down but rather to fall for someone. Deeply, recklessly, swiftly. Without thought, I have this mistake of over thinking sometimes and for once I just want to fall, and hopefully someone catches me. But if not. . .

even if i hit the ground. . .
I'll take that too. I'd rather fall flat on my face bloodied than safely cruising along. I'm not a masochist, if I had a choice of course I would definitely choose to not get hurt. But there really are no guarantees. I should just leap. . .

and if I cry a little, die a little. . .
I take a leap, I float a bit and if I'm lucky someone will catch me. Someone will hold me up and help me soar some more. Someone will hold me close, keep me safe, let me feel that the risk was well worth it. And if it doesn't end well. . . if I fall alone. . .

at least i know i lived. . . just a little
At least for a little while I flew. I felt invincible. I can do anything, be anyone, be fearless. The landing may not have been what I planned, what I hoped for, but for a little while I was free. It may not have lasted long but at least I've had a taste of what it feels like to be alive. To live for the moment. Uncaring. I just want to be, for once, spectacular. For a moment have a little taste of heaven a small glimpse of paradise before I become ordinary again. I would've wanted to stay there forever but if I can't, at least for a moment I was whole. If I shatter the very next day I would at least have this moment to go back to. To visit when it gets too lonely. To reminisce when it gets too cold.

If I could just have a moment. . .