shall we have another go at it? another round, another attempt, maybe find a different result? will it be less bloody?less disappointing? the ride a bit smoother? we know the flaws in our ways maybe this time we'll have success in avoiding them? the swift turns, the treacherous highs each traitorous curve we have mapped them laid out a plan, we know what to wait for and in some way we have learned what not to expect from you or me, and everyone else in this crazy little saga.

will it really be better?

have we really learned anything except for the fact that you and
i might not really be good together? i am too emotional, you are too detached, i look strong but i bruise easily, you look so fragile but i have yet to know what affects you, what moves you, what causes you to crumble, i might never know. i react too quickly, it's very rare that you react at all, i mean what i say, i'm not very sure if you say what you mean, it seems like we are always talking in riddles, i have to decipher every line, every word, it was fun, for a while, until somewhere along the way, i too got lost in translation. opposites attract right? but what if it's too different? when two people are worlds apart what then?

they say, insanity means doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. . . if i choose to try again does that make me insane?

i have no idea. . . maybe i should,

but then again maybe i shouldn't

i was watching a film the other night, boy meets girl, boy falls in love, girl hesitates, girl makes up her mind, boy has second thoughts, ending? they parted ways, sad, sad affair. what made me think though was what the guy said, "sometimes, the beauty is in the attempt" , whether you failed or succeeded it does not really matter, what is important is that you tried. i understand fear, i know how it feels to be scared of the unknown, but nothing is certain, you just have to put yourself out there and hope against hope that you get picked, that everything goes well.

and if it doesn't? i am admittedly hard headed, stubborn as hell, you tell me it can't happen and i'll do my damnest to prove you wrong. i hold on far longer than i should, but when i decide to let go. . . i never look back. what is done is done, that's why i never surrender, until you give up on me that is.

so what now?

i still don't know. maybe i should just be contented in the glorious attempt. it failed, miserably, but i gave it my all, that's all anyone can ask for. . .

too bad it was not enough then. funny, what makes me think it is going to be enough now?