strong, rich, heady,

i've always loved

the smell of coffee

dark, mysterious

it could either soothe you

or scald you, burn your tongue

the bitterness

your bitterness

is so addicting

i still feel it

taste it, am still smitten

still craving it

this has got to stop. . .

i have got to stop. . .

but i don't think

i'll ever have

another cup

without thinking of you. . .

walking away now,

ever so slowly. . .

pink,

hi there.
how was work?
pretty tiring?
yeah,probably it was.
by the way, me and the guys watched a movie tonight.
they had dinner first.
i was late and so i wasn't able to join them.
the movie was hilarious, this is the second time i have seen it
so i already knew the funny parts
i still laughed though, weird, i know.
then we had coffee
starbucks, high street
we couldn't find any coffee place that was open after 12 midnight
so we went all the way from megamall to taguig
all for the love of mocha frappe hahahaha.
then we talked, even when the guards started putting up
the "we are closed" sign.
even when they began arranging chairs, dedma hahahahaha
oh, we saw two celebrities, they sat right across from us
one was christine reyes, the other one was a guy
hmmmmmm, his name escapes me
i'll tell you once i remember.
yeah, it was a good night, relaxing.
so how did your night go?
i so wanna know.
i wish i could ask you
maybe you'll read this and tell me sometime.
anyway.
i miss talking to you pink.
just the usual stuff.
maybe one of these days we could sit down and do that again.
or you can drop me a note, or sumthin'
it's getting late, or should i say, it's actually early
i still have to go to work in a few hours.
keep safe.

i'll be seeing you. . .

remember all the things we wanted, now all our memories they're haunted
we were always meant to say goodbye. . .

one of my least favorite topics is all about the ones who either broke my heart or those who might've left me bleeding. the thought of meeting with these people makes me sweat buckets. yeah, it is all in the past. and yes i am a different person now. better than when we were together, i think (not sure pa? hahahaha). so what am i afraid of?

am i terrified that when i bump into them all the old feelings would come rushing back? maybe. it is hard to push all the old emotions away and tuck them all neatly in a safe place where nothing can touch them. they will always be a part of me and yes, i may be afraid of opening old wounds. is my fear all about what i might blurt out should i run into one of them? perhaps. i might rehash old arguments and say something hurtful, but what scares me more is that i might say i missed them, or i still love them. that is plain stupid, i know, but i have tendencies. did i not inform you that i am certifiable (hahahahaha)?

i can't run away from them forever. i will probably see one of them atleast. so how do i deal?

there's this scene from a movie i just saw last friday. the exes saw each other for the first time after a long time. there was awkwardness, the usual stuff, empty hi's and how are you's. what i loved the most was what the girl said; 'i prepared my speech, i have replayed it on my mind over and over, what i would say, how i would act, in the end i just felt nothing. no sadness, no joy, no bitterness. just nothing. that's how i knew i have moved on' (of course it was said in filipino, i just got a bit creative with the lines hahahaha)

my point?

you can never tell exactly when you are ready to face your one time love turned nemesis. you can fake it, you can convince yourself that she does not affect you anymore, but in the end you would only know once you have her smack in front of you. if you meet her too soon, try not to say anything you might regret.

timing is everything. time heals all wounds. all you need is time. and yeah, time is gold, so don't waste too much of it sulking. have fun. get a hobby. you will be surprised to realize that one very unassuming day, while walking in the mall, the park or wherever it is you normally walk, you'll come face to face with her and just shrug it off (angas na, moved on na eh hahahahaha).

pink(you will always be pink to me),

hi.
how have you been?
you keep saying you are ok whenever i ask, i hope you are really doin' great.
i know you have been through a whole lot
too much, too soon, i wish i could've done more for you
but you suddenly shut me out, shut everyone out.
i guess it's your way of coping.
you wanna rebuild everything that was destroyed.
your ego, your pride, your self esteem,
everything that was broken. . .
your spirit, your will, your heart. . .
and you have to do it all on your own.
it is a very long and ardous process,
but you are up for it, you are willing to work your damnest
your hardest so you can become whole again, full again.
i applaud you for that, i am amazed.
i knew you were brave, but what you are attempting is beyond courageous.
like what i keep telling you, i hope this works out for you.
scratch that, i know this will work out for you.
you are stonger than you think.
and in the off chance that you find it too difficult
in some parts, we are just around here somewhere
all you have to do is ask.
we are still friends right?
i know i told you that i wanted to be more than that,
i still do, however, i can still play the role of a friend if need be
i just wanted to remind you.
i'm sorry if lately i haven't said much.
i feel you need the quiet more than anything, atleast for now.
take your time, sometimes, it's all you need.
i'll just be right here.
you told me not to wait
that i have nothing to wait for
i have nothing else to do anyway.
maybe you'll change your mind,
then again, maybe you won't
a lot can happen between now and whenever it is that you'll become all better
i wanna still stick around.
okay?


i'll be seeing you.

kate nash, you took the words right off my mouth . . .

The Nicest Thing lyrics

All I know is that you're so nice
You're the nicest thing I've seen
I wish that we could give it a go
See if we could be something

I wish I was your favourite girl
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style

I wish you couldn't figure me out
But you'd always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand
When I was upset
I wish you'd never forget
The look on my face when we first met

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot
That you loved secretly
'Cause it was on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three

I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish that we could see if we could be something
Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something

repost. . .



i hate you. . .

i hate your eyes
they pierce me
i hate your lips
they tempt me
i hate your words
they make me believe
feed me with
thoughts that
should never cross my mind
i hate your skin
it makes me wanna
crawl and stay underneath it
i hate your smile
it makes me think
of sunshine
i hate your scent
it makes me shiver
it makes me long
for warm summer nights
heated, passionate
your fingers caress me
as if i am yours

i hate that you are not mine

but what i hate most
is that i don't,
i can't. . .
hate you

worn me down like a road, i did everything you told; worn me down to my knees, i did everything to please you, but you can’t stop thinking about her. . .


someone asked me earlier if i could justify continuing to love someone who obviously do not love me. i did not answer. no, it’s not that i did not know what to say. nor was it because i did not have a retort. i just chose to remain silent.

yeah me, silent.

that is something new right?

i never believed love could be explained much more justified. it is something felt, heard, seen, smelled, tasted. there are no words you can use to describe it. i have always sought the why’s out of everything but i am speechless when asked why i love. there are no textbooks that will tell you the reason for it. if someone will claim that they have an answer they are lying. flat out making up stuff.

which brings me to this point; why do i find it impossible to stop being in love with you?

i don’t even know why i do. how in the hell will i know how to un-love? am i doing this to piss you off? of course not. there are easier ways to do that. am i making it my mission to annoy you? definitely not. i want to be on your good side, if i make you despise me at times i’d like you to know that, that was never my intention. is it a game to me? hell no. i play to win, this match is too big for me there is not even a glimmer of hope that i’d come out on top on this one.

then why do i continue?

like i said i have no idea.

all i know is that i feel strongly about you. you have told me no, several times, i have tried to stop countless times, no such luck i’m afraid. what i want you to understand though is that, i am not asking you to love me back. that’s too tall an order for you, i know.

bunny spears, a good friend of mine said it best. loving is for the one feeling the emotion. don’t mistake it for me being selfless, it is actually the opposite. i am being selfish, i just wanna feel. and you, all you have to do is stand your ground. i will not attempt to break you. i might push hard but it is not to make you see things my way. i just want everything i feel to get out.

do not worry. i am human. i do get tired. i do bleed. i have a boiling point, i have an edge that when i get to i stop.

just stand where you are. i am so close to giving up. it will not be too long.

stand your ground, that is all i ask. . .