. . .make me a story book. . .
write me away from here. . .
i need a different now. . .

6:30 pm I wake up, prepare for work, bathe, eat, try to catch some of the news on tv, leave.

8 pm I get to the office, log on to my pc, put on my headset and start my shift. Within that shift I take 2 15-minute breaks and a 1 hour "lunch". I take calls, surf the net, talk with my peers, read.

5 am, my shift ends, time to go back home. I turn off my pc, put my stuff in my locker, have my bag inspected, ride the jeep, then the bus, and another jeep. Home at last

Around 7 am. I'm home again. I eat breakfast, play trivia on my computer, watch dvds, sometimes read, prepare for bed, sleep

My alarm goes off. . . 6:30 again and my day starts. . .

This is my life.

Boring.
Routine.
Mind-numbing.
Predictable.

Sometimes I wanna scream.

It's like watching the same show over and over. I've memorized the lines, I know what will happen next I just wanna grab the remote and switch channels. Anything other than the one I'm watching right now. Except that the remote is broken and there's no way to fix it. I'm supposed to be the director of my life and yet right now I'm a helpless spectator, I cannot even boo myself.

It's like I'm in a dream and I wanna wake up now but I can't. I'm trapped in this scene playing over and over I just want it to stop. I just don't have any idea how.

The monotony is killing me. I need something new. A change, someone to change my over boring existence. I wanna be surprised, I want someone to surprise me. Someone to take me away from all this predictability. I want to not know what will happen next, I want to guess my outcome I don't want to just lie and wait for the inevitable.

My now is so bleak and lonely. So depressing. Not even a sliver of excitement, an ounce of mirth. I am so tired of repeating the same routine, I am exhausted to wake up each day knowing that again, everything's unchanged.

I need to feel something, anything other than defeat. I wanna be eager to arise each day and begin as if I had a purpose. I need to wake up and look forward to another day where I might be able to find you, see you, be with you. I need to know that that day would come. I need to know that you would be waiting for me eager to discover me as I am so eager to discover you as well. I need to remain hopeful, that someday my now would include you. And that someday I will be happy again. I need to believe it could happen. I need you to tell me it could. . . please. . .