the funny thing
about trying to crumble
a barricade
that was put in place
to keep the world
and everybody else out
is that every push
every shove
is met with a counter push
a counter shove
every bruise you manage
to inflict in a way
marks you too
every second you
wear her down
is a minute
she wears you out
every inch forward
a mile backward
just when you think
you've gotten in
pushed the boundaries aside
in come more sentinels
to guard their queen
with their lives
the defenses seem never ending
never letting up
never giving in
i'm battered
so weary

can you hear me bleed?
do you smell
my desperation
do you taste my frustration
can you see me wince
can you feel me
almost shatter?

i envy you
you can stop anytime
without preamble
without guilt
without doubt
with no hesitation

i can't
i tried
i don't want to

but sometimes, i wish i could. . .