should i congratulate myself?

give myself a pat on the back

commend myself

for a job well done

i've managed to not

talk to you

for more hours than

i intend to count

i have stayed away

as excruciating as it is

i have kept out

i should stay out

but much as i hate

to admit it somehow

you never left

my thoughts

not for a moment

was i ever free

of you,

i prided myself

with the fact that

i was able to disengage

pretend to not care

but that's just it

a pretense, when

i know full well

that in reality

i never can do it

never will do it

never even imagined i'd try

i wanted you to miss me

to be aware that i was

starting to slip away

did you even feel it?

a grand scheme

a charade i designed

did it work?

i doubt it

are congratulations

really in order?

i don't think so

i failed miserably you see,

i am back where i started

waiting, again and again and again. . .