my feet have broke free, and i am leaving i'm not gonna stand here feeling lonely but, i won't regret this and i won't think this was just a waste of time. . .

i am real sorry.

i said i would not fall for you, atleast not yet. i said i would stay away from you, as far away as my feet could carry me. i also vowed to not let you in, under my skin. i failed on all respects.

could you blame me?

i wanted to be cool, act as if you don't have a hold on me. if i see you, then great, if i don't oh well, too bad. but one word from you and i always come running. wherever i am, be it a cab ride away or 4 hours cooped up in a bus, i always, always find a way to be there should you need me. i infuriate you at times, i make you so darn irritated that you can't help but reprimand me. i apologize if sometimes i go over the top. you are important to me, and i don't ever want you to think otherwise.

for your part, you tried to be as careful as you can. with the words you say, how you say them, when you say them. but even the most innocent touch, or smile, i still find meaning in them. again, it is not your fault, i only have me to blame. it was not your intention to lead me on, you never led, i marched forward all on my own. you never encouraged me, you did not have to, i was in love, every little thing you did was not viewed as regular, since you were too special to me i had this stupid notion that i am too, sadly i am not. i always knew that, but you know me, i am the most hopeless of all romantics.

there was no miscommunication, you were crystal clear from the get go. you wanted a friend, i figured you needed more, and god have i ever been more way off? i should've listened to you when you said maybe. i should have felt the rejection everytime you faced the other way, i should've tasted the bitter end, everytime i kissed you goodbye. but i was oblivious. you were all i saw, tasted, felt, heard, smelled. it was as if i was addicted. you were my addiction.

i said i cannot settle. i have to be number one. i have to be the only one. and boy i tried so damn hard not to fall for someone who can never catch me with both hands, yours were full. so i refused to jump. . . i really tried.

and then you smiled. . . (hahahahaha) you might never believe it but it was what got me hooked. and yeah your scent. did i ever tell you how beautiful you are? i did? just don't ask me why. it would take me years to explain, and even then i can only attempt. i wish i could've been the one to wipe the sadness from your eyes. . . oh well.

and so, as the story goes, i jumped. and you weren't there. i predicted that your rejection would be the one that would sting the most, and yeah it did, it does.

it would be a very long and lonely trek up. back where i was before i foolishly ignored all warnings and let myself go. before i had this foolish idea that i could fly, or if i can't someone would rescue me. i have to start walking soon. . .

in a little while, i might. . .