love, love sara bareilles

"One Sweet Love"

Just about the time the shadows call

I undress my mind and dare you to follow

Paint a portrait of my mystery

Only close my eyes and you are here with me

A nameless face to think I see

To sit and watch the waves with me till they're gone

A heart I'd swear I'd recognize is made out of

My own devices....

Could I be wrong?

The time that I've taken

I pray is not wasted

Have I already tasted my piece of one sweet love?

Sleepless nights you creep inside of me

Paint your shadows on the breath that we share

You take more than just my sanity

You take my reason not to care.

No ordinary wings I'll need

The sky itself will carry me back to you

The things I dream that I can do I'll open up

The moon for you

Just come down soon

The time that I've taken

I pray is not wasted

Have I already tasted my piece of one sweet love?

Ready and waiting for a heart worth the breaking

But I'd settle for an honest mistake in the name of

One sweet love.

Savor the sorrow to soften the pain sip on

The southern rain

As I do, I don't look don't touch don't do anything

But hope that there is a you.

The earth that is the space between,

I'd banish it from under me...to get to you.

Your unexpected love provides my solitary's

Suicide...oh I wish I knew

The time that I've taken

I pray is not wasted

Have I already tasted my piece of one sweet love?

Ready and waiting for a heart worth the breaking

But I'd settle for an honest mistake in the name of

One sweet love.

be still. . .

even as you feel
the waves coming towards you,
even as the water
reaches your chin
and you feel the pull
of the ocean beneath you

hold still. . .

don't thrash around
your sudden movements
would only draw you deeper
you would only feel more trapped

do not resist. . .

you are fighting
a losing battle
against the current
threatening to carry you
far away from
your comfort zone
your safe haven

i'm not gonna let you drown. . .

i'll pull you up
each and every time
i won't let you sink
if i do, i'll plummet with you
i'm not gonna let you go. . .

just promise you'll hold on to me. . .

i'm not gonna let you go

you're probably sleeping now. . .
i wonder how it feels
to lie next to you
feel your warmth
watch your chest
rise and fall in a rhythm
that would probably
soothe me, calm me
look with envy
as the moonbeams touch
your face, as if highlighting it,
chasing the worries,
giving way to the innocence
reflected in your slumber

i wish i could
wrap my arms around
your fragile shoulders
hold you close
whisper softly, the nightmares
won't come tonight dear
i'll keep you steady

i don't think i could
join you as you rest
i would be too busy
listening to your heartbeat
is it as fast as mine?
no i won't even blink
i'll just wait for
morning to come

you love mornings.

as much as i would have
loved sleeping next to you
waking up beside you
would feel so much better

i hope your perfect sunrise includes me. . .

infant,

it's 3:30 am

i should be sleeping

i have read, re-read, and yeah gone over all the lines i wrote.
it still did not sound right.
not that i did not know what to say.
i knew all along.
i just did not know how to say them.
without sounding condescending, or patronizing.
without making you ill with cheesyness and all that crap.

you are the one i always wanted.
the one i wished for.
who i bothered whoever it is up there just to ask him to give you to me.
the one i lost.
who found me again.
who i do not know what i would do should i lose again.

i know i am not perfect
not even in the same zip code, or country, or whatever.
but i foolishly wish i were
maybe if i am you would just stay there.

you are not different.
being different means you can be compared to someone or something else.
you can't be.
you are the only one of your kind.

i'm sorry.
i am supposed to be good at this
but i just turned real bad.
i am wide awake at almost 4 am thinking of ways
to get you to see that you are unlike anyone else i have come across with.

maybe i should stop.
i love you.
and i will love you, the best way i know how.
do not ask me why, do not ask me how long.

i just do.
deal with it.

i have answered the question why me.

and now for a follow up on that;

why you? i have answered that too. i know you still remember what i said. all i said.

there was one observation though, that had me stumped (i was supposed to do the stumping, not you, and then you left and went to bed, grrrrr hahahaha).

you were right. i have loved others before and after you. i have loved them all with the same passion. i only know one way to love and that is without holding back. without any doubt. with all that i have. without any regret.

that does not mean they were all the same though. because although i had been consistent, each one of them had been different. each story i had been included in may have somewhat similar plots written with the same pen, but each one had been special. your word, different. i had the same hopes, i had some of the same thoughts, most even had similar endings. it's the role that i played that distinguishes one from the other.

with you i do not need to play a character.

i never had to. i was just this silly, weird, obsessive person that you somehow still claim to love. you make me think i can do no wrong, cause even if i did you will just look away. i cannot read you, you are the one who sees right through me. you wanna know who i am, everyone else just tries their luck at guessing, and i let them. you let me think i rattle you, when you are the one who unsettles me.

but you know what makes you really odd?

you, wanting to be mine. you, asking how to make me happy. you, wondering if you are good enough for me.

infant at that.

chicken even.

you know more about love than i do.

infant,

still don't know what to do?

hahahaha. i love it when you are confused. nah i'm not smirking, not yet.

a few more rounds with you and maybe i will start to.

now what is so hard to understand?

that i love you? that i need you? that i would try and prove you wrong everytime you insist that you are not right for me?

this is not a game. i am not playing. this is my life and all i ever wanted is to make you a part of it. a huge one at that. what are you so afraid of? i am not going anywhere, you know. i said i'd stay and so i would. even if it has not been that easy. even when unconsciously you push me away. you can't brush me off. i just want that to be clear.

i am sorry if sometimes i make it difficult to love me. i am hard headed. i tease you too much. i try too hard. i wanna see you crack, just a bit so i could maybe come in. that is if you would let me. . . i wish so darn hard that you would let me.

i said earlier that i am scared too. it's true. everyday i feel you starting to slip, yet again. you very subtly pull away. i feel it. i feel you starting to separate inch by painful inch. am i getting tired? of the never ending cycle, of you hesitating, of me convincing, of you running and me trailing after you.

not yet.

i had a few years to regroup. i did not enjoy the time i had to spend away from you and so i am trying to avoid going back there. but you and i know, i can only do so much. . .

and then i would have to break.

i wish i don't have to. i wish you won't let me. i wish you would just give it a go.

i wish. . . i did not have to wish anymore.

you can say what you want but it won't change my mind
i'd feel the same, about you
and you can tell me your reasons but it won't change my feelings
i'd feel the same, about you


chicken. . .

what is it about love that scares the shit out of most people?

is it the responsibility that comes with it? hmmmmmmm. . . maybe. you see, when someone loves you, you quickly assume that you have to give what you receive. in a perfect world it is safe to want that. let me ask you though, do we live in a perfect world?

nah. most definitely not. we only wish that we do. so what's my point? between two people in love who loves more or who gives less is not supposed to be an issue. we are not supposed to even keep track of what was sacrificed, what we got out of it or what was never offered. we are built differently and so my best might not neccessarily equal yours. you gave it your all though, that's what should matter.

is it the committment? you know what they say, it's easier to catch a rooster when it's pinned down (it's a filipino saying, i just translated it loosely). when you are with someone temptation always seem to be after you. you begin to question your choice, did i pick the best one?

of course, thinking you had a choice is what gets you in trouble. you never do. love picks you. and whomever was "fated" (i know you do not believe in all that but just humor me, it's my blog hahaha) to you is your best bet. someone else would always come. someone more beautiful, smarter, funnier but there would only be one person who's perfect for you. who might not be everyone's definition of the best but next to you, she makes the greatest sense.

is it failure? you have suddenly developed a super power that allows you to look into the future and you are certain that you won't make it. you turned psychic and so you are predicting that whatever you do it will never work out.

funny. i always say that nothing is certain. even nostradamus was not able to tell when he would die. so what makes you so sure that what you have or almost have will never last? everything is a risk. it's equal parts failure and success. if you do not even try because you are too terrified of failing, then that makes you foolish. at least give yourself a chance. give the other person a chance to prove you wrong.

i am not as brave as you think.

i am as scared of this as you are. maybe even more so because i have seen the view from the other side. i almost had you but you were swiftly snatched away. i've tasted defeat. it was bitter. i had been shattered. i have more to lose now than i have ever had before. . .

yet i am willing to jump in again. head first.

it's not gonna be a bed of roses. it would be wrong of me to assure you that it would be. it would be unfair to let you believe i know all the answers, i don't. . .

but maybe if you break free, we will find out?

so what do you say?