infant,

still don't know what to do?

hahahaha. i love it when you are confused. nah i'm not smirking, not yet.

a few more rounds with you and maybe i will start to.

now what is so hard to understand?

that i love you? that i need you? that i would try and prove you wrong everytime you insist that you are not right for me?

this is not a game. i am not playing. this is my life and all i ever wanted is to make you a part of it. a huge one at that. what are you so afraid of? i am not going anywhere, you know. i said i'd stay and so i would. even if it has not been that easy. even when unconsciously you push me away. you can't brush me off. i just want that to be clear.

i am sorry if sometimes i make it difficult to love me. i am hard headed. i tease you too much. i try too hard. i wanna see you crack, just a bit so i could maybe come in. that is if you would let me. . . i wish so darn hard that you would let me.

i said earlier that i am scared too. it's true. everyday i feel you starting to slip, yet again. you very subtly pull away. i feel it. i feel you starting to separate inch by painful inch. am i getting tired? of the never ending cycle, of you hesitating, of me convincing, of you running and me trailing after you.

not yet.

i had a few years to regroup. i did not enjoy the time i had to spend away from you and so i am trying to avoid going back there. but you and i know, i can only do so much. . .

and then i would have to break.

i wish i don't have to. i wish you won't let me. i wish you would just give it a go.

i wish. . . i did not have to wish anymore.