you're probably sleeping now. . .
i wonder how it feels
to lie next to you
feel your warmth
watch your chest
rise and fall in a rhythm
that would probably
soothe me, calm me
look with envy
as the moonbeams touch
your face, as if highlighting it,
chasing the worries,
giving way to the innocence
reflected in your slumber
i wish i could
wrap my arms around
your fragile shoulders
hold you close
whisper softly, the nightmares
won't come tonight dear
i'll keep you steady
i don't think i could
join you as you rest
i would be too busy
listening to your heartbeat
is it as fast as mine?
no i won't even blink
i'll just wait for
morning to come
you love mornings.
as much as i would have
loved sleeping next to you
waking up beside you
would feel so much better
i hope your perfect sunrise includes me. . .
1 comment:
I don’t know what to say. I have read your entries almost a million times, every after call, like breathing space, and you leave my heart racing constantly. Why do you do this to me? You drown me with too many words and too many promises. Amazingly, you remember all of them, you can recall all the intricate details of our past and I am left in awe as to how you do it. I try as much as I can to hold on to the good parts of the past, but eventually I let go. I’ve got too much baggage to carry on.
Seriously? You still feel the same way? After the longest wait, after the regrouping period, after the in betweens, why is it still me? Like what you said, I cannot offer anything that hasn’t been offered before too. I’m a broken piece and I can’t be whole again, no matter how much mending we try to do. No amount of glue, paste or adhesive can put me back together, like new. I know you answered the why me part, but I still couldn’t, or better yet, wouldn’t understand the reason for your loyalty. I broke your heart too many times and I’m not about to break it again. Not anymore, not when I’m feeling them all now. Not when suddenly, my nervous system has been sending signals to my whole being that I am still alive, that I can still feel…something I wouldn’t even dare to describe. Perhaps if you describe it to me, like to a little child if that’s the stage you think I’m in, I’d be able to nod my head for a yes, and shake it if it’s a no. Ü I refused to believe that it is what you say it is. There’s no way.
But yes, I think I may have realized it now, no matter how late. There were lots of things I overlooked before. You weren’t given a fair chance to fight on that game, but hey, you made your mark… it was bull’s eye. Only when all the players left, and the last pin was removed from the board, did I start bleeding. And slowly, painfully I start to accept that you might have won the game. Congratulations!
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