But I’m keeping you in. You are still my lifeline. I will be letting you go, so as not to keep you down with my troubles too, but I will be staying put. I’m not moving forward without you. I will bring you anywhere my feet will take me. I will leave everything again, but this time I am taking you, and everything you are about, with me. You may not realize it but you are my everything too. I will never leave you, even if I am thousands of miles away from you.


your words broke my heart.

not that they were written for somebody else. although, i will not be a hypocrite, i must admit it kinda stung. i wanted to be all that she was, all that she probably still is. your lifeline. the one who pulls you up whenever everything else brings you down. when you go i want to be the one you take with you. i want to be the reason you would choose to go back. i want me to be the one you think of. i want my memory to be the one that keeps you up at night. i want to be the voice inside your head. i want my taste, my scent, the feel of me filling you. i want to be your everything. . .

but this is not about me.

it's about you and the hard decision you had to make.

5 years is a long time. i have lamented on some relationships that lasted a few months. i can only imagine what this is doing to you. it probably is killing you. you hate goodbyes too. especially long drawn out ones like the one you are going through right now. you told me once that you are a runner. you sever ties quickly, you move on swiftly. you try not to hold on to people, if they wanna leave you just let them. this scenario is so much different than what you are used to. this is something that you cannot avoid. you have to face this, alone. this is between you and her. . .

only it isn't.

our lives are inexplicably intertwined. yours, hers and mine. i end where she begins. where i start, she stops. you are the only constant. i am sorry we are pulling you in all directions. it probably is so exhausting. but i can't lose you. not again.

trying to close a chapter of your life is hard, she is not a mere chapter, she is multiple volumes, this probably is the toughest thing you ever had to do. yet you are willing to do that for me. thank you love.

she was your life. a huge part of you would always be for her. one sixth of your existence was spent being with her, living for her. the most painful times of your life, she was the one there for you. she loves you, more than anything and for a time you felt the same way. your history would always include her. i would always envy her, the moments i failed to be a part of. what she is to you, your bestfriend, your ally, your family, your safe-keeper, your liberation. what she will always mean to you. . .

she has shaped you, partly. the person you are is in some way her doing. she took care of you, made you feel loved, gave you her all. in a way you are you due to her. i would always be grateful to her because of that.

i may never fully understand the bond you two had, still have, but i will try and be okay with it.

i do not doubt that you love me. what i am afraid of is if i will ever be able to show you love as much as she has. i will do what i can though. i won't replace her, she is irreplaceable, all i can do is hope i can somehow finish what she started.

i promise i'll do my damnest.